Depending on what your family looks like, the holidays could be a special and sacred time or they could pose lots of chaos and anxiety. And if you are married and split time between the in-laws and your own family, it could be really crazy. Not to mention travel, kids, other plans, and friends!
All of these things are near guaranteed to create an atmosphere of chaos for a season that be filled with joy! Here are my 3 top tips to managing chaos during Christmas
#1 Establish clear and concise boundaries
When you are able to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly and effectively to your family, they can better manage their expectations when it comes to what they will be experiencing. I highly recommend that you do this before the holidays roll in. Do this some time in October or early November. Or if plans are being hashed out in July— do it then! What happens when you tell your mom or mother-in-law the day before Thanksgiving that you’ll only be able to be there for the early afternoon, is that she spent time planning, shopping, cooking, and it’s out of respect that you notify them early.
You’re asking them to respect your boundaries, so that respect needs to be extended to them as you make your boundaries. When you make these boundaries, you might experience some push back. You might encounter resistance. When it comes to family, that can be difficult. But stay grounded in the fact that you’re making the best decisions for you and your kids (if applicable).
#2 Make a routine
Is every other year spent at your families and the years in-between at your in-laws? How about Easter at your families and Thanksgiving at your in-laws? It is possible to split up the designations for each holiday to make the expectations really clear. Not only does a routine help support you and your process of deciding where to go each holiday, but this routine can also be good for your kids!
When you establish a clear routine and schedule with your family they can know what to expect every time. Make sure to check in with them every few years or so to make sure that this routine is good for them. If it’s not, have an honest conversation about how you can adjust.
#3 Have them come to you
Do you find yourself spending hours on a plane or car ride to go see family during the holidays? Not only does that sound like a great recipe for grumpy kids but it is wasting away precious hours gathered around the hearth of your home around really sacred and special times. If you do elect to stay home for the holidays and omit the traveling craziness, invite your family to come to your home!
This doesn’t mean that you have to put on some elaborate spread. But it invites them into your home and extends a warm invitation to join in the holiday festivities. It can be a simple note of, “we’re staying at home this year for the holidays, but you are more than welcome to join us as we celebrate.” I would advise to go back to tip #1 when doing this and make sure you give good notice. Remember, respect is key in all of this.
All in all, remember that this isn’t about perfection. This is about consistency, respect and clarity. A little bit of work or some hard(er) conversations at the beginning can override any confusions and disrespect that might come along with the tips above (if done incorrectly). Remember the reason for each season. That family being together is important, with your sanity running at the #2 slot of priorities.
